Liam Montgomery Rise to Fail: The Dark Knight

Yeah I’m going to bandwagon so what? Fuck you. Batman is my favorite superhero of all time, and the Dark Knight graphic novel is fucking awesome! So, naturally I Hershey squirted my briefs when I heard about the Dark Knight, and the third one is with Catwoman. Catwoman is so hot, so so very hot. Whenever you build yourself up for anything 9 times out 10 it will disappoint you and here is three reasons why The Dark Knight Rises disappointed me.

1. Baine gets blown up with a laser cannon.

Maybe not a laser but some stupid hi-tech bike mounted ultra-blaster fucking D in the A. There was so much build-up about his face mask and how much pain he would experience if it was torn from him, and how metaphorical that would have been Baine the bringer of pain and misery to Gotham dies an excruciating death. Batman is all about that next level symbolism in the first place, I was so geared up for watching Baine die of shock because Batman in his uncontrolled rage (which he does often because it speaks to the darker half of humanity, because Batman is the symbol of the everyday man standing up to the world of shit) ripped his fucking face mask off! Even just for the sake of the film Batman and Baine have this huge rivalry and Batman doesn’t finish the job, just luck of the draw Catwoman decided to kick it. Lame sauce.

2. It is so PG.

I understand it’s a superhero based off of a superhero comic book which was geared for a younger audience. Batman however has always been the darkest superhero, to again play on the duality of mankind, how all people have a dark twisted half that sometimes makes them do questionable things, and that the struggle of taming those tendencies is man’s greatest struggle. The second film was so twisted, scenes of how my mother was beat by father and he filleted my face once. Stabbing gangsters in the eye with pencils fuck you Joe Pesci. The Dark Knight rises has nothing, a half inspired sex scene and like some explosions.

3. The Gizmos.

Batman has always had gizmos that was his thing he was an average guy with lots of money and sharp wit and fancy fucking gizmos. His toys always represented how Batman fights crime, with intrigue, espionage, wit, stealth, intelligence, planning and strategy the fucking Sun Tzu! In the Dark Knight Rises Batman has a war tank, a war tank that flies, and a war bike with blaster cannons. WAR TANKS ARE NOT STEALTH! THEY ARE NOT NINJA! BATMAN IS A NINJA, even in this trilogy we see him train as a ninja not as a tank commando.

 

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