Paul Parillo Royal Titties*

Kate Middleton’s breasts have garnered much attention recently since a French tabloid magazine published revealing photos of the Princess topless. The magazine French Closer has been the culprit in the spreading of the photos, and the uproar of response has been good, bad, and ugly.

On one hand, some magazines have supported Closer’s decision to print the photos and have daringly followed suit. On the other hand, a vehement call to action amongst opposing journalists has been at the forefront of those considering any such publication. And on someone else’s hand, the royal family has issued a lawsuit against both the magazine itself, and the photographer. With such a heated lawsuit to commence, it’s no question the magazine will need the breast lawyer fighting in their corner.

Not since Janet Jackson’s mocha chesticle has there been such a cataclysmic response to mammary glands in the media – and let’s not forget her nipple was covered! I can understand Kate’s desperation with regards to her privacy, but it takes more than spilt breast milk to elicit any condolence out of me. I would be remiss to discover that someone lost their job (and probably a career) for chronicling royal foliage. And isn’t it odd how many nude photos have come out within the past month – everything from accidental tweets to bathroom photos leaked – it’s like this month had more nudity than a firefighter charity calendar. 

Perhaps the royal family’s lawsuit will spark a detailed review of what constitutes privacy these days. If humanity is lucky, Kate’s fun bag conundrum will be the catalyst for the public to raise an eyebrow to the British government who is currently (more like just about finished) installing “security cameras” in the washrooms of over 200 schools across the country. Priorities, it seems, is not without a hint of irony.

Whether you concede that a lawsuit will effectively terminate future breaches in personal boundaries, one thing is for sure – Kate Middleton will not be tanning her nipples anytime soon. But the real shame doesn’t seem to be the loss of her privacy though, it’s that the breasts in question weren’t even that great. I mean they weren’t awful, just not great.    

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