Photos by: Alex Hardie

Hana Shafi "Sexy" Fruit, and Other Scary Things*

Halloween approaches and therefore the mini-skirts for the slutty school girl and slutty nurse outfits are selling like hot cakes at every costume store. So much for avoiding shaving your legs while the temperature drops. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the slutty costumes. I’ve rocked the slutty ghostbuster costume, and the ever popular skank sailor chick. But what I can’t stand is that, as a woman, it’s so hard to find a normal costume that actually corresponds with the character you wanna be. It always has to be the “sexy” version. 

As I browsed through a costume store today, I saw a V for Vendetta costume. Except this costume was for women. So instead of V’s iconic long black cloak, it was a tiny black mini-skirt and boob-squeezing corset. Are you kidding me? If I wanted to be V for Halloween, how on earth would that costume possibly live up to the character? I saw plenty of packages for a men’s Jedi costume, but the women’s ones were all Princess Leia’s slave girl golden bikini thing. Great. So I can choose an oversized Jedi Knight costume that is clearly made for a man or wear the least amount of clothing possible. 

And the plethora of “sexy” costumes is now just getting ridiculous. They’ve got sexy fruit costumes now too. Yeah, you can be a slutty watermelon apparently. Or even better, SEXY SESAME STREET COSTUMES. Thank you for crapping on my childhood. 

Oh and did I mention that they’re starting the “sexy” costume trend even younger now? I recently saw a comparison between a girl’s and boy’s Cookie Monster costume. The boy’s one was your classic furry footy-pajama Cookie Monster costume. The girl’s was a little blue dress with cookies on it, which just doesn’t make sense compared to the boy’s costume which actually looks like the goddamn Cookie Monster. This is for fucking toddlers. My faith in humanity is seriously dwindling. 

Go ahead ladies (or gentlemen), break out those slutty costumes and work it! But if you can, try and piece the costume together yourself, instead of buying those absurd pre-packaged costumes from companies that refuse to make costumes for women that give you the option of wearing booty shorts or pants. Also, sometimes it’s nice to be able to party all night in a costume that doesn’t run the risk of having your tit fly out. Happy Halloween! 

Alex Hardie

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