Damir Pavelic A Straight Guy's Guide to Gay Men: Dating

“Ok, one more quick shot, then let’s go! It’s almost 11, and the line is gonna be crazy long!”

Oh my god, I think I’ve said that more times than I’d like to admit. I'm all geared up for a typical weekend out and about: sexy kicks, tight jeans, and the perfect v-neck; I'm more than a little buzzed, and I’m good for a night of drinking, dancing, and hopefully some hot steamy sex.

We get to the club and make it inside with - who knows how - only a short wait. I'm a little weirded out that it looks like 100 other guys had the same outfit inspiration for the night, but whatever - at least it means I'll have a wide selection of well-dressed men to choose from.

Back in the golden age of the gay club, you would dance for a while with your friends, all the while scanning the room for Mr. Right Now, which was easy because half the people club were trying ever-so-casually to do the same thing. The thing I'd always find hilarious is the look of pure disdain everyone would wear when cruising, like they couldn’t care less (it’s funny because although we want to look like we don’t care, it’s the exact opposite in our heads. “I hope he’s looking when I turn around so he can see my biceps.”)

A bit of grinding and a couple (or ten) drinks later—and if the kissing was up to par—you’d suddenly be over the crowd and the music and off you'd go to Naughty Land. In the good old days, hooking up was fun, relatively easy, and always good for a funny story over brunch the next morning with your friends.

Nowadays, however, things are a little bit different. My straight buddies always say that as a gay man, I have it super easy - that it takes no effort to hook-up. To be honest, in my experience, that's been totally true. Hooking up is easy. But the thing is that all gay men are into hook-ups, though; I know a lot of guys in great relationships.

And now things just got a whole lot easier. Getting all pretty, spending big bucks on booze, and dancing the night away while shaking that booty in the direction of the hot guy by the stage are almost too much work for a one night stand. Now there is Grindr. What is Grindr you ask? You know when you need something quick and easy and someone says, “there’s an app for that,” well now there’s an app for gay sex. Grindr is a smart phone app that allows you to post a profile picture, a tag line, and your basic stats to advertise your assets. It works by telling you with GPS who is closest to you. If you find someone you like around the corner, you can chat and trade pics to your heart’s content. Easy. Who could have thought you could make the wheel even more efficient?

This is why I get so confused when I go out with my straight friends. They say they want to get some that night, but nothing happens! From my point of view, I always think straight people make things more complicated then they have to be. Sure, its likely that there are more guys than girls that want to hook up for some no-strings-attached, dirty, sexy, fun times, but you’re not going to know unless you at least try. Try talking to her instead of staring her down (and the same goes for you, ladies!). When I bring this up, the response I always get is “dude, I’m not going alone” or “I don’t want to look like a creeper,” or [insert eye roll] “Jesus, do I have to do everything?” Now to be fair, I must say that I’m often surprised by how tough it is for a hook up to go down at a straight bar. With guys trying to pick up girls, there is always a delicate vibe—one wrong move and its over. Even if things are going according to plan, all it takes is for the girl’s best friend to get in the way and it’s game over. Oh well, at least it’s only Thursday.

It would make things so much simpler if people, male and female, straight and gay, would just admit that they’re looking for sex. Once you can admit that, things get much easier.

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.