Hana Shafi What Hot Sex Looks Like*

I’m watching a movie with a really graphic sex scene, and three thoughts enter my head: a) holy shit this is hot, b) why do I have so many feelings, and c) what do I look like when I’m getting off?

The thought never comes to mind in the midst of an amazing climax (the climax wouldn’t be particularly amazing if it did), but every now and then, it slips into my thought process.

Conversations amongst my friends and I aside, I wholeheartedly believe that everyone has thought about it at least once. Let’s be real here, every now and then (usually during some solo action) you feel the muscles in your face doing something you’re not entirely sure of and it gets you wondering, what on earth does my face look like in the heat of the moment? All the while you’re secretly hoping it’s something along the lines of sexy and mysterious, lips apart sensually with your head tilted back. The next thing you know you try to imitate it in the mirror and it’s more like some kind of vaguely hot muscle spasm thing. 

The truth is, unless you look completely constipated and your face is turning green, what you look like doesn’t really matter. Just because real-life sex may not look like it’s worthy of the silver-screen, doesn’t mean it isn’t hot. Sex is not a performance. Well, unless you’re doing it as a performance, but that’s a whole different topic. If you’re fucking in private, that’s just it, you’re fucking in private, there’s no one else there to judge. No one but that other individual(s) you’re with, and if they’re one to judge, then they’re simply not worthy of the hot sex you have to offer. 

Awkward moments during sex are almost inevitable. Someone’s gonna hit their head on the headboard or accidentally elbow their partner. You might end up in some really wonky position and just have to pause for a moment to shuffle the other way. This is not a sequence in some porno, this is not your favourite sex scene in True Blood, this is real life and that can be hot too, but only if unrealistic expectations of how “hot sex” is supposed to go are dispelled. 

Hot sex is not going to be in tune with some kind of pre-planned heavily rehearsed choreography. It’s spontaneous and sexy and in the moment, therefore it’s susceptible to some normal mistakes. So don’t obsess over whether your hair is parting the right away or whether your eyeliner gets smudged halfway across your face. Besides, if it really is awesome sex, you won’t give a damn anyways. 

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