Tori Morrison Why is your boss an Asshole?

Many people think that their bosses were born as the horrible assholes they are now. The guy who demands you work six days a week, stay late, and never notices the hard work you are doing. In reality, your boss was once like you, a normal human who didn’t speak in manager speak, never wore a tie, and no one worried about being in a tiny room alone with them. As someone who has been on both sides on the office door, I wanted to let you know how the change happens.

1.  Over Delegation Syndrome.

ODS is a habit forming behaviour that starts out innocently enough, but in time it can have terrible side-affects. It begins with realizing it’s totally awesome to have someone else do the shitty thing you don’t want to do. Eventually, you can’t be bothered to do the simple tasks because frankly, why would you? Don’t you have tiny will-less drones somewhere that could fix that for you? In my most recent moment of ODS, I handed a pair of nail clippers that someone had left in the store to an employee standing directly beside the garbage, so they could throw it out. That’s right, I took something gross, walked it all the way to the garbage can, then couldn’t preform the simple task of dropping it in the direction of the can. The weirdest thing was, the employee didn’t even react. They expect me to be that lazy because I’m their boss.  

Why this makes your boss an asshole?

Not only does this make your boss appear massively lazy, it causes your boss to have difficulty understanding why you take so long to do all the horrible tasks they ask you to do. It also means that they are less likely to get anything done without you because they are no longer accustomed to doing any actual work. That means they are more likely to be furious with you when you call in sick, because now they have to do that thing you were supposed to do.

2.  Lack of Supervision

Unlike you, your boss could sneak into the office and take a nap. They could probably wander off to just about anywhere and no one will look for them. That’s because the time without your boss is a fun time. Hell, even if you see your boss doing something bad (as long as it isn’t illegal) your boss doesn’t give a fuck. Your boss is the viewer, and if there’s something viewers think it is that they themselves cannot be watched. 

Why this makes your boss an asshole?

Basically your boss becomes a huge hypocrite. They show up late and then pull you into the office for being late. I once saw a boss scream at an employee for wearing his uniform without a name tag or his shirt tucked in while not wearing a name tag with his shirt untucked.

3.  The blame-intensity ladder

The blame intensity ladder goes like this, your boss’ boss’ boss finds out you aren’t selling enough of blank. They go to your boss’ boss and drill them and yell until your boss’ boss is upset. They get angry, it’s not their fault that blank isn’t selling so it must be your boss’ fault that blank isn’t selling very well. They intensify the same drill and yell routine on your boss. Now your boss is even more depressed, but wait, it can’t be their fault, it must be yours.

Why this makes your boss an asshole?

Transferring their feelings of ineptitude onto you would be fine, if you had someone to transfer them to, but you don’t. Not since child services did that bruise check at Billy’s school again. No, you become, the sponge for the company’s failures. Then when you find yourself wondering which of your coworkers would find your lifeless body in the supply closet (god I hope it’s Debra), your boss brings you into the office to talk about your lack of positive attitude and how that’s holding you back from selling all that blank that they keep getting in trouble for.

4. The bearer of bad news.

Just like the blame intensity ladder, there is a stream that filters down terrible news. The problem is, you only see your boss. So while they are instilling the new policies of the company. You are planning their demise, chainsaw style.

Why this makes your boss an asshole?

This one doesn’t make your boss an asshole, but it does make you think he’s an asshole. Suddenly your boss becomes the worst person alive, they want you to sell double the blank. And they won’t let you sell blank without upselling your customer on a blank card or a blank package. So now your pressuring everyone to buy as much blank as possible. But how can you be expected to sell that much blank when you have to do it while phoning back everyone who return their blank packages when they figured out it was just more blank? Sure it was the district manager’s crazy idea, but you don’t know that. It’s must be that dick boss of yours fault that you can’t just sit around.

This brings us to our final reason your boss is a dick.

5. You.

Have you ever thought that maybe your boss is a dick because you want to do stuff at work that’s not work? Maybe they trust you and you fuck up, or take a nap or break policy for a pretty client. Well now they have to answer for you. They need to explain why you’re a fuck up and what they are going to do about it. They know you know you aren’t supposed to set all that blank on fire instead of counting it for inventory, but for some reason you fucking set that shit on fire and now it’s their problem.

Why this makes them an asshole.

Have you ever played the game lemmings? That game is pretty fun, but it can also be hard depending on what level it’s on. Now imagine that same game but all the lemmings have feelings and if you upset those feelings they will think you’re a jerk. You don’t want them to think you’re a jerk, but you don’t have enough umbrellas for all of them to hop down where they want, and at least three of them need to dig tunnels and be left for dead. Also to make matters worse, if you don’t win, your family gets evicted and you’re back on the pole and you can’t go back now, not with the way you quit. Now think of how nice you’re going to be to all those shitty lemmings who are running around like a bunch of morons not listening to you when you tell them to dig. . . yeah that’s management for you.   

Comments

I work in a small office. so my boss thinks he can do anything he wants. He is demeaning and never says please or thank you. He starts off his request for me to do something by saying "I want you to". He is demeaning to me also. I am indifferent when I work there. This is only a part-time job. He thinks I am going to stay longer to work without pay isn't happening. The work load is rediculous. The level of work is for a full time person. He won't include me in emails when he should so I have to find out from the person who also assists him from another office or in the company system. He has me do the work one way and changes his mind the next week or next month to do it another way. I need consistency in my job so I can do it in a timely manner. He will ask me to print something out for him, then goes ahead and prints it out himself if I don't do it in like a minute. He is very impatient. He stands over me asking if I am done with a certain thing I am working on in a document for him. He is a heavy micro-manager. I am looking for another job. I can't wait til I am outta there. What can I do to gain some leverage in my job to get him to cool it?

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