I went for check-up last week at the doctor’s. The nurse administering my blood test told me that a few days ago a three hundred-pound man had passed out while having his blood taken. Now, needles have never been particularly fearsome to me as long as I look in the other direction: the pinch only lasts a nanosecond, and I don’t find the sensation to be terribly painful. After complimenting me on my courage, she then went on to declare: “It’s always the men who get scared of the needles. They can’t take any pain. Just imagine if they had menstrual cramps. They’d all be in their coffins!”
That nurse knew what she was talking about. Men love to talk up their toughness, usually while flexing their muscles and emitting caveman-like grunts. But when it actually comes to walking the walk, most men will fall flat on their faces (and probablywhine and cry about it, too). For a lot of the men I know, a simple common cold will be exaggerated to a “low-grade fever with a burning throat,” and an excuse to stay in bed for a week.
Most women, on the other hand, will power through period cramps and pregnancy like they’re strolling through the park. And speaking of period cramps, just imagine if men had those. “But men can get kicked in the balls, and that’s equally painful,” you men might reply. Well you crazy men, just imagine that you got kicked in the balls every day for a week. And this happened once a month. For approximately forty-five years of your life. Throw in some blood. You see what I’m saying?
I know there are some tough men out there. Like Terry Fox. And that mountain climber who sawed his arm off when it got trapped under a boulder. And I’m sure there’s a good chunk of men who overplay their pain just so their women will dote on them more. But for all the rest of my testicled friends out there, please toughen up. If not for your dignity’s sake, at least out of consideration for the blood test nurse who’s already figuring out how she’s going to haul your unconscious butt off the doctor’s office floor.