L Woods You Should Be Single

I, L Woods, have never been the relationship type of girl. When I finally did find someone who I deemed worthy of being exclusive with I, like many others, fell into the trap of being madly in love and talking about nothing but him for two and a half years. Also, crying, SO much crying. I was never a crier until I fell in love with an asshole. Needless to say, after being single for around a year now, I feel back to my old self and totally content with my single-girl lifestyle.

I’ve noticed that a lot of attached folks seem to look down on us singles, as though we all must be the sad, lonely souls that RomComs depict. Some even go as far as to label us as, not single, but “in between relationships.” Apparently being in love means that you cannot wrap your mushy minds around the fact that many of us are unattached and, OMG, not actively looking for our next significant other. Shocking, I know.

If you’re single, don’t feel sorry for yourself. Don’t buy into the bullshit that you can’t be truly happy until you find “your other half.” There will come a day when you will fall in love and as you’re picking up tampons for her, or his socks off the ground, you’ll realize how good you had it on your own.

Being single means having your bed to yourself and being able to pass out early without waking up to the dreaded “why didn’t you call to say goodnight?! *angry face *” text.

You can have guy’s night or girl’s night without having to “behave,” your sweatpants don’t go missing, and you don’t have to shave everyday. Your fridge is stocked with foods you love, more time to workout, sleep, see your friends, or be super busy without someone nagging you to spend more time with them.

You get your own opinion meaning you don’t have to say lame things like “we loved that movie” or “we loved that restaurant” because you’re an individual not half of a whole, damnit. You save money during the holiday season, which you can totally spend on yourself, guilt free.

You can flirt, eye-fuck, make out, or hook up as much as you’d like.

Free drinks at the bar because you’ve mastered the art of flirting with the bartender, no matter how busy it is on a Saturday night. Free meals on dates for the ladies and you can still fit into your jeans.

You can turn your phone off for a day without turning it back on to see 47 missed calls and one pissed off boyfriend/girlfriend. There’s no jealousy or drama and you can bring home a different person every weekend if you want.

Fuck it, if you want to sit at home in your sweatpants and watch hockey (you know, once the lockout ends.) you totally can.  You won’t get told to PVR it so your girlfriend can drag you to her friend Sarah’s sister’s cousin’s best friend’s baby shower.

You don’t have to tell anyone that your friends of the opposite sex are gay just so you don’t get in trouble for hanging out with them one on one. Because everyone knows that you can’t have a friend of the opposite sex without being attracted to him or her and sleeping with them behind your S.O.’s back every chance you get.

Finally, you can write articles about sex without someone asking “I drive a Corolla, whose truck are you having sex in?”

Life is fantastic, single people. Love it and embrace it.

XOXOXOXOX

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