Don Harris Catholic School Girls, Baby

Here’s the thing about Catholic schoolgirls. I don’t understand what makes them tick other than a God complex that is equivalent to an Electra complex. The Electra complex; how girls want to bang their Dads until they reach a certain age at which point in time they want to bang their step-dads. Old Sigmund Freud was on about it, along with a whole bunch of other sexy shit. Something about wanting a provider or some bull. All Catholic schoolgirls would probably be down to bang their step-dads if their moms weren’t such whores.

I’ll tell this story in the third person because I have a reputation to uphold. Let’s call our fictional and totally reliable narrator Donny Don’t because, in all honesty, no one wants to do what Donny Don’t Does. Or conversely, no one wants to Do what Donny Don’t Doesn’t Do. 

Anyway, Donny Don’t goes down to the Gay pride butt and tits extravaganza. There’s naked dudes. There’s naked tits. There’s statues wearin’ high heels. There’s wood nymphs. There’s Cosplay dudes rockin’ hard. I bummed a cigarette from a woman who had her huge knockers swaying in the wind.Not that Donny Don’t Don’t Do Drugs but there’s drug dealers. But maybe they’re cops. Donny Don’t Don’t know.. Donny Don’t Don’t Care. The streets are lurid, illicit, lascivious and just plain rude. It’s a party though. We’re all gonna get laid.

So I’m hanging with these chicks decked out in full on raver regalia. I forget their names but I think maybe they were called Trixy or Roxy. Or something sexy like that.

These girls claimed that they were lesbians and went to Branksome hall or some shit. They were all of 16 and a half years old and 100 pounds soaking wet between them. In a word, or maybe three, they were hot young ass; “pretty young things” as M.J may have put it were he into vaginas. They were lesbians who appeared to be in a healthy relationship.

Their friend Janice showed up, though her name wasn't Janice, in fact I can’t remember what her name was. Something about her reminded me of Janice from The Sopranos. Maybe it was the sass. It certainly was not her physical attributes as this girl was a smokeshow Vietnamese Canadian with short hair and a Scrillex fade. Hot damn she was trouble. She was the kind of woman, I suspected, who would shoot a mob soldier to death in her own kitchen.

Anyways, out come the drugs.

Catholic Schoolgirls always seem to have amazing drug connections which is probably a testament to their ability to, as the kids say, get basic. So we go to meet Smokey the MDMA dealer in a apartment parking garage. For girls who read the Bible all the time supposedly, Catholic girls really don’t follow the street signs. They can just smell trouble.

Maybe it has escaped the wandering, whispering eye of Sauron (A.K.A Lord Palpatine Benedict Arnold) the extent to which ordinary people will go out of their way to ignore, break, or otherwise flaut the rules but C’mon guys. The history of the Catholic Church is a history of constant opposition. It’s like fuckin’ religious Marxism with the Protestants and Catholics colliding in epic battles out of which a phoenix will, nay must,  surely rise. A fucking retarded fish frog of a phoenix that makes war and dickishness. Actually, it’s more like in The Hobbit where it’s a war of five armies square off in some epic battlefield. A mexian standoff with one guy filming and one guy jacking off. That’s what it’s like man, the middle east is mordor. Fuck, I can’t wait for that movie to come out.

But I digress.. Back to these down ass Catholic school wenches.

I shouldn’t say that about them. They were actually very pleasant and charming and I could tell that sometimes they sat around and drank tea and talked about sex with their lesbian fish eating mothers. They were intelligent young women with opinions and beliefs and they invited me back to their place to scissor with them but I thought better of it. Did I mention these girls were sixteen?

So these girls were into cutting themselves. They liked to feel the pain I guess is the retarded explanation they had for their “hobby”. They had scars that would amaze you. Those scars ain’t ever going away. They funny part about though is that chicks dig scars. If you’re a lesbian, chicks dig scars probably even more. I should know, I’m half lesbian. Plus, I have a lot of scars. From hockey sticks and japanese pull saws and haphazardly thrown kitchen spoons. But not from fucking razors man, that’s just crazy (picture me saying this last part in a Christopher Walken affectation).

So I sat around with these young women and tried to tell them just how much better shit can get that cutting yourself and watching themselves bleed. I tell you, they had great explanations for why they did what they did. They were a pretty convincing bunch. They were smart man, I think the kids are gonna be alright no matter what school they went to.

The Bible is a good book, I’ll give it that. It’s a fucking great book. The problem is that it’s all about people doing bad-ass shit and sinning and what not. Let me tell you, for some creative people whether they be young incarcerated women or old incarcerated men, they just get bad ideas. The Bible is heavy man; you can’t teach a kid about the evils of hell and then throw him under the bus when he feels the heat.

That is one mixed fucking metaphor. I think I read the Bible too many times. I’m all confused. Need water.

Need holy wine..

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