My love affair with porn began when I was 10 and I discovered the scrambled porn on channel 60 late at night. This was back when 60 was an imaginary channel so high on the dial (oh yeah, and there were dials) that no one ever thought to go there. This is precisely why the cable company put porn on it in the first place, because no one would think to go there except those perverts who ordered it.
Well, those perverts and all the curious kids raised by old fashioned or slightly repressed parents. I was one of the many who would sneak down after everyone was in bed to watch the jumpy, suggestive images on late night channel 60. Occasionally, a clear stripe would occur where you could clearly see a nipple or some guys thrusting ass. Gotta love those early years before numbing and desensitization;
it only ever took me one slightly distorted ass thrust to get there. Once the internet became commonplace, I was delighted to see the possibilities that opened up for me. My love for thrusting bums had a candy store at its fingertips. It blossomed me into a porn aficionado with tastes that expanded every day. The main arena for my research? Tiava.com. It is a site with every little side genre in porn listed in all their glory. It’s where I go when I need a quick fix and some options.
It took me a few years, but I found my “type” of free porn clip. It wasn’t easy; girls aren’t supposed to like porn and when they do, their taste is judged harder than anyone else’s. So here’s the skinny: I like gang bang porn. There it is. I like watching a girl, preferably one with giant knockers, getting tag teamed by a bunch of dudes. It’s the way I roll. My particular favourite character in this deep dark world is Lisa Sparxx. Lisa is a big girl and she is capable of many magical things. She gets me there when nothing else will.
Lately though, I have feeling the itch to broaden my horizons; like with any relationship, you tend to thirst for the breath of fresh air only change can bring. Your eye starts to wander, and you start to wonder what else is out there. What else are you missing? The other night, I was about to open my folder of Lisa Sparxx clips and settle in for our almost daily rendezvous, but something stopped me: the itch. Maybe it was time to find a new mojo. Maybe tonight I should see what else I can see.
So I went back to tiava. Surely they would know all the angles. My one rule was no limits; time to boldly go where I had never gone before. I started by savaging my morbid curiosity with the amputee links and they were surprisingly titillating. It made me feel a little guilty, but what would a porn hunt be without a little guilt? This was after all a wealth of depraved visions you aren’t supposed to want to see. Where else can you watch a woman with no legs getting wheelbarrowed moments before switching to a site featuring a woman getting sodomized by a Louisville slugger? Where you can watch bears play with twinks (there are people in my family who would think that last sentence was about an episode of Rainbow Bright).
I was particularly fascinated by the incredibly diverse sub categories. There was one called “yacht”. You guessed right: it is a series of clips featuring girls getting nailed on yachts. Now that’s class. But the taking of cakes happened with the “transformation” site. This featured clips of naked women transforming from something else; like a mannequin, a statue, a hentai costume, or my personal favourite: the grizzly bear suit. The woman in the video actually starts out on all fours in a full bear suit and the gradually strip teases out of it until she is a nude woman with the head of a bear. It was delightful. There is something magical about knowing there is something for everyone; that everyone, aside from those with tastes that delve into the illegal, can entertain their wildest fantasies without being judged. It was kind of freeing.
And educational. That isn’t to say it was all enjoyable, I will spare you the details of snowballing, and I didn’t venture into areas involving feces; some things are beyond the scope of my gag reflex. All in all, however, I found my shopping excursion on tiava.com to be titillating and thrilling.
But when it was all over, I felt that same old desire to spend the night with Lisa Sparxx. I missed her sassy delivery and large lolling breasts perfect for slapping. It was like when my good friend lent me his “Animal Collective” CD to listen to because he said it was right up my alley; it was really impressive, but when it was over, I turned on The Travelling Wilburies and fell asleep. Maybe I am just old, maybe I value commitment, or maybe I just know what I like. I pride myself on having the open mind to explore, but in the end, I want to hear about how Lisa Sparxx has learned about the ATL while being gangbanged by a football team.
Represent, Lisa. Represent.