Michael Turnbull The SANS Guide to orchestrating an orgy

The problem with going to a preplanned orgy party is that it is the nude beach of orgies. Wonderful in concept, but in actual fact, it’s really just a handful of old fat unattractive people looking to gather validation for their decrepit bodies. Your only alternative is to pay into a sex club, and that gathers mixed reviews. If you’re the kind of person willing to pay for unattached sexual experiences, then by all means, but if you’re anything like me, you want recognition for all your hard work, and to fuck a room full of people worshipping you.

You have to realize that when orchestrating an orgy there are many factors involved, and that they are held in a delicate balance. It can't be a hypersexualized room full of dudes desperate for blood, there needs to be finesse, style, and most importantly, comfort.

Who’s coming?
Any sap with a penis will dive into a party full of naked women, but not all saps have the guts. See, most guys are delighted by the idea of starring in their own porno, but most guys are too gun shy to actually go through with it. This is why you have to build your own crew.

There has to be a mix of people you can trust, but also that have no problem stepping into a room full of hard ons. Remember that most straight males have been so bombarded by an anti-gay agenda, that they are actually afraid of having their penis whipped out in front of another male. Sad but true. Though we’re not necessarily looking to suck eachother off, you should realize that you may accidentally cross swords, and if you’re one of those guys who has a problem sleeping with a girl who you know their previous sexual partners, this is not the territory for you.

There doesn’t need to be a rigorous testing period for these fellows of yours, but there should be a strong level of trust with them, a year + recommended.

These guys will also be a contributing source of income for expenses you will accrue. Make sure they are comfortable with giving money to this cause, and that they also don’t expect a correlation between dollar value and sex. This is like stocks, you have to realize that this money may potentially go to waste, you may not actually achieve what you have set out to do. Just make sure these guys are trustworthy and aren't tight on the purse strings, or there may be foreseeable problems in the future.

The last measure before choosing your A-Team, is to keep your choices to a few, and make sure that they are attractive.

Everyone has a friend or two that want to do something like this that are horrible with women, they need to be left at home. I don’t care how many times Justin says he’s cool, his chauvinistic attitude and gunt don’t help secure the room. Everything must be taken into account, and the guys tagging along must be calm, cool and attractive. Guys that you would happily show off to your own mother.

What about the girls?
When organizing this event there should only be a couple people doing the organizing. You cannot have all of your guys in on it. Having them know the time, place and to carry a ass load of condoms is enough. The key members will ensure the right mix of boys and girls.

Hand picking dudes is an easy challenge, but the girls will be a little bit harder. Your mix of girls must be a dash of sensual peppered with girls that are DTF, and girls that are excited by the idea of having an orgy, but would never act on it themselves. There needs to be the slight element of chase, and that element is presented by girls who would only act on it if they were guided naturally into the scenario. Everything must seem very natural, very calm and cool.

Like the men, your girls must be open to contact with another girl, and they should also get excited by this idea, just ever so slightly.

You have to ensure that there is a solid 1.5:1 ratio of women to men, and potentially 2:1, just in case any of these girls fall through or decide not to show. Having an extra girl around is never a problem, and she can usually figure out something to keep her engaged. Having an extra guy or two ruins the mix.

Now the hard part here is whether to tell all  the girls. It goes back to this feeling of keeping things feeling natural. As stated earlier, most people that get engaged with this stuff will be gross and unappealing as a whole. Having some green members allows for a dynamic contrast and opens them up to new experiences.

Truthfully this should be a nice splash of a few people who have done this before, or at least had group sex in any way. Threesomes and foursomes are fairly easy to orchestrate, but when you’re dealing with a room filled upwards with up to 9 or 10 people, things can go wrong quickly. Once again, the stress on comfortability is very key, and having a safe space where people aren’t jealous allows for a smooth transition, and gives anyone who hasn’t been exposed to this the feeling of complete security.

Back to this don’t ask don’t tell business.

My suggestion is to only tell a couple key girls, maybe three, who are very comfortable with their sexuality and open to things of this sort. These girls will make it much easier to help keep the room charged and make sure those who may phase out of engagement will be properly taken care of. Like a set of hot bouncers, but more emotional support with the hopes that the other people won't leave.

The final key ingredient to the girls is an escort. 
Having a girl that is on the clock will ensure that there will actually be a spark to the party. She, like some of the other girls, can manage fallout, but isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. This is basically like getting media insurance on a film set. If you have done your job properly, you didn’t actually need to spend the extra cash, but in the case that something does go wrong, she will know what to do. And if you’re smart, you get the girl that has helped put these together and ask her for any extra she may be able to help on, or at least advice. She will guarantee that the party will indeed happen.

Location
It is very important that the location of this event is nowhere near where you live. It can be in the same city or district, but it can’t be your house or your buddy’s place, even if he says he’s got the perfect place for it.

Shell out a couple of bucks for a nice condo or loft for a weekend hang out. There are plenty of these all throughout the city, and a quick look on padmapper or craigslist will get you headed in the right direction.

The environment is key to delivering that feeling of comfort, to give everyone involved the opportunity to feel relaxed and excited. The classier you go, the better your guests will feel. Though there is a fine line between classy and too classy. You don’t want anyone to start wondering how much money you shelled out for this place, otherwise your boys will begin to expect success when it isn’t guaranteed.

The aesthetic of your location is subjective. Some people will want a more homely environment that has carpeting and warmer colours, others will like something more chic and modern. As long as your location isn’t a prison or crack den, you’re probably doing alright. Myself, I’d rather be in something more contemporary, is suggests that you have style and reflects upon your good taste. Truthfully, the aesthetic actually comes down to is your audience. If you’re courting a handful of hippies and stoners, the couches and carpets are great. If they are more Bay Street, you’d better have a barcelona chair. Whatever makes your group of adventurers most comfortable and excited is optimal.

Theming
When putting together such an elaborate event, one must always remember to make it more than memorable. Perfection is an art, and if you want the evening to go exceptionally well you must have a theme. Let’s stick with the aesthetic of the contemporary loft. The perfect pairing is a masquerade.

Now everyone has to dress up, they feel sexy about what they are wearing, and they get to hide their identity. I would make sure that all people entering are already masked which would allude to the feeling of secrecy and sexiness. The idea that you could be flirting with cute boys or girls and do whatever you want without repercussion is a very enchanting concept. Ensure that the dress code is in full effect by making sure everyone has confirmed a mask and outfit. You can also provide masks if you like.

Once you have all of these parts into place, confirm everyone’s optimal dates, and book your location.

Get a DJ
You have a very good chance of keeping things comfortable and relaxed if there’s some stellar music. This is especially true of your DJ is one of your key crew members, guy or girl. If they are at all decent, they will definitely know how to excite a room and spark up some good music to schmooze to.

Or fuck, just put on some Girl Talk.

Everyone knows very well that ‘Step by Step’ is like crack to white girls, and in moments you will have a floor full of people dancing and making mild fools of themselves.

Drugs (optional)
Now I’m not going to condone drug use, and some people will agree with me and others wont, but for those who are interested in doing specific drugs, I’m sure this would be optimal. Everyone can definitely drink, but drinking can lead to whiskey dick, vomiting, early sleeping, and the occasional person or two leaving because they can’t see past their fingertips.

Taking controlled doses of MDMA, or something like it, at the same time can lead to a similar peak times, which is the perfect opportunity to begin the engagement. During the full percolation, this is when most people are relaxed and when most intimate encounters will naturally occur. Just being close to someone will excite you, even if it’s only for the texture of the clothing they’re wearing.

This is the opportunity for the DJ to bring in the drop.

This is also the moment for the cute escort to do her job and find one of the girls who wasn’t expecting to get it on and make a solid move.

This is the key element to ensuring success for this whole evening. When other people excited and stimulated see that a couple of people are letting loose, they will in turn begin to take chances of their own. If the escort does her job right, the veteran girls and guys will start making moves and the evening will begin to unfold.

Naturally a few will slip out to a bedroom, or a washroom, or the kitchen, but inevitably all the rooms will be fully occupied and those left will be the core group for the actual orgy to start. This is when your cute pro should begin to either undress herself or one of her partners which will signal to the rest of the orgy tribe to follow suit.

From here it’s just messy details of what things could be, but if you have done your job properly you will have run quite a successful evening.

Now that you're armed with the techniques, get yourself a space, some buddies and the right mix of cuties and give it a shot. You're a grown person now, and if you're not tied down to a cute spouse of your own, get a few kicks in for the sake of epicness.

Welcome to the big leagues.

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