Head to head Ass or Pussy?

L Woods Take it up the Bum*

In case you were unaware, I love sex. Sex is great. Sex is the cure for everything. Sex makes me happy. Sex is just friggin perfect. What makes sex so great is that there are so many different ways to switch it up and keep it fun and exciting. I truly believe that the only way a long-term relationship can remain happy is through a great sex life. You should be having more sex. Take a break from reading this and go have sex.

Before you go, just one more thing: perhaps tonight you should have a good ol’ round of anal. Some of you might be thinking “fuck yeah!” while many others might be totally freaked out by the topic, which is still somewhat taboo. Well, you know what I have to say to all you haters? Get over it people! Some people like it in the ass. This is 2012; I’m not sure why this is still shocking.

For the ladies out there, if you aren’t allowing your boyfriend to put it in your bum every once in a while, you’re being extremely selfish. Regardless of whether or not you like it, think it’s gross, or think it’s painful – which it is – you should still let him shtick it in there if he wants. Why should your wants and needs always come first? I mean, clearly if he’s not satisfied enough with your vagina, you’re doing something wrong. Might as well make it up to him by letting him have free reign of your behind.

For the most part, the reason why guys love giving it up the ass so much is because it’s a little forbidden, and therefore exciting, it’s also a whole lot tighter, and when they finish, they don’t even have to pull out. What’s not to love? Just use a ton of lube, some hot foreplay to loosen you up a bit, and don’t let him go too hard.

It’s probably going to hurt and be pretty uncomfortable, but suck it up for a bit and let him have his way. The hottest part is how excited he gets. There’s actually nothing hotter than turning a guy on and knowing he’s completely satisfied.

If your boyfriend asks if he can stick it up your ass and you’re thinking of saying no, think about this: can you honestly be satisfied having sex while he’s railing you in your vajayjay but really wishing he was elsewhere? How can you disappoint him like that? Seriously girls, stop thinking about yourself for a little while and let him have some fun with your bum. Even if you don’t get off, he will, and he will love you for it.

Don Harris It Ain't All Ass an Titties

God, I wouldn’t touch your anal cavity with a thirty-foot pole.

No but seriously, anal sex is good and all but if everyone practiced sodomy all the time no one would get anything done. If it were up to bum sex everyone in the world would be having gay orgies with 60-year-old men while their grandkids watched with boners. Then where would we be? Anal sex with a woman might not make you gay but on the other hand opinions are like assholes: everyone’s got em’.

Hey, instead of cashing in your two for one anal bleaching coupons every fortnight maybe you should try getting fucked in the cunt for once. Lesbian Tiger Woods may think she is a crusader for anal sex or women’s rights or her own spuriously exclusive balloon knot but, really, she’s just a fucking sodomite whore standing on a street corner.

If you start to make anal sex un-taboo you start to make it lose its charm. If you’re the Catholic Church and you tell dudes not to masturbate, what do they do? They go rape little boys.

So shut the fuck up, and stop dispensing the golden-hearted whore’s sage advice. If you want butt hole pleasures you have to work for it damnit! Trust me, I know. The onus is on the man. I repeat, the bonus is on the man. Get it boner, bonus.

Ah fuck it.

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